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Cooked Milk

Requirements:

  • Canned Condensed Milk
  • Pot full of water
  • Stovetop

Steps:

  1. Open can
  2. Place can into pot of water
  3. Place can in pot of water onto the stove
  4. Cook at the verge of boiling for around 5 hours, stirring occasionally
  5. Refill water as it evaporates
  6. Cool can with cold water and remove once reached desired consistency

I've heard that you can decrease cooking time by leaving the can sealed and making sure it stays submerged in water, though I really don't want an exploding can of milk so I did it this way

Original recipe taken from milk.com. This is a real thing and it basically makes caramel but with milk undertones. Pictured is it on ice cream 'cause it looks gross but it's also rlly good instead of P on a PB&J. The first picture is what happens if you dont cook it long enough (spoiler alert you get partially cooked milk)

Blood

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Requirements:

  • Fancy Glass
  • Everclear (preferably 190 proof)
  • Berry Juice (preferably cranberry)
  • Blood (Optional)

Steps:

  1. Mix 1/4 everclear and 3/4 juice in your fancy cup
  2. Add one drop of blood, it's hotter if it's someone else's but you can make do
  3. Enjoy responsibly or whatever

A "good" go-to if you're cheap or can only aquire one of the ingredients between long intervals. Adjust the mixture a little if you want less overall liquid to get down to the same effect, or a less strong liquid that lasts longer

Tumblr Recipes

A collection of good recipes and recipes from tumblr. Links go to their respective posts, though I'll share my questions, comments, and concerns here.

"Better than Sex" Grilled Cheese

Such good grilled cheese knowledge to have. Prepped just perfect with a l'il bit of green greens b4hand and it's orgasmic. The honey mustard and red pepper and garlic is all amazing but they are right when they say the key ingredient is fancy cheese as it rlly melts into just a perfect ooze. I know it's like $10 a block but it's worth it and will last a while if you shred it urself

Battery Acid Spaghetti

Gave me a headache and sore throat and made my lips and tongue sting and coated my teeth in something but it's not as bad as I expected it to be. I did pop a bubble to see if it would act like that one reblog said, and while it didn't keep it's shape, the remnants did stay on the surface like a popped balloon

White Gilgamesh

TWO THIRDS BEER, ONE THIRD MILK, FROM A GOAT OR OF IT'S ILK. Honestly makes the beer taste better. Gotta drink it fast tho or it curdles the milk. A li'l sour (again if u wait too long.) I also love milk tho so I may be a tad biased but others seemed to enjoy it so maybe it's on to something. This also seems to be the last tumblr recipe that doesn't involve copious amounts of illegal substances

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Toast

Requirements:

  • Bread
  • Broken Sunbeam T-20 or "radiant" style toaster
  • Screwdriver

Steps:

  1. loosen screw under crumb tray to increase tension on central element, until bread lifters have proper springyness (if this does not fix issues, continue steps)
  2. Remove the temp knob, then unscrew the crumb tray and bakelite base
  3. Unbolt the "clamshell" top, along with the side covering the heat sensing unit
  4. Unscrew the leads going to the main switch
  5. Bend the metal tabs holding in the sensing unit, and lift it up and out
  6. The bottom two nuts hold together the switch contacts, and those two bolts and top bolt hold in the bimetallic strip
  7. In case the strip is no longer snapping into place, attempt to gently bend it or adjust it so it does
  8. If the strip is broken or the center unit is damaged you might be kinda fucked srry <3, to be fair it is a 75 year old toaster

Pros:

  • Automatic lowering and raising
  • Heat sensor instead of timer for bread

Cons:

Vintage Crystals

From a mail subscription science kit from 1968. One year off from being able to call these 69 crystals but nevertheless I shall persevere. Inspired by a certain rabbit doing something similar

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Requirements:

  • Potassium Alum (This one was missing from the kit, so we though to test it with a sample that isn't 55 years old from the local walmart)
  • Magnesium Sulfate
  • Rochelle Salt
  • At least once small glass jar "less than 2in in diameter" and covering cloth
  • At least once larger jar for further growth
  • Stovetop pan or pot
  • Stirring dowel
  • Teaspoon

I will upload a pdf of the instruction booklet once we are done in lieu of my traditional steps, here is a growth log instead:

Hour zero (10pm): Prepared three bottles, one of each salt type, using the portions outlined in the booklet

Hour 12, three bottles respectively:
#1 layer of small crystals on bottom, removed chunks and reheated
#2 no crystals, more salt added and reheated
#3 two tiny crystals, more salt added

Hour 18:
#1 largest cleanest crystal removed and suspended with thread in solution, rest of crystals stored in seperate jar
#2 still no crystals, more salt added and reheated
#3 line of crystals along bottom, left to sit

Hour 24:
#1 suspended crystal doubled in size, small chunks formed on bottom removed and large ones saved
#2 still no crystals, solution has visible particles. Lots more salt added and reheated
#3 going all out, used up the rest of bag 3 trying to make a solution to suspend a crystal in. Accidentally dissolved the largest crystal in it so attempting to use it on a smaller one. not a lot of hope

Hour 48:
#1 crystal maintained size, removed and coated in clear spray paint to save
#2 solution still is cloudy with visible particles, no crystals though, may attempt to restart at a later date
#3 yeah #3 is a lost cause. The crystals that did form were very rectangular or "tetragonal" as the booklet says, maybe even "orthorhombic," though now we've got nothing. Was neat to at least see something from 55 year old chemicals though

Hour 156:
#2 jar is now full of crystals, a few taken out to try to grow further tho it's rlly hard to not accidentally dissolve them. Rest of bag used up for solution.

I got the most out of the Potassium Alum, though the other two did crystalize a l'il bit. I may try this a bit more as there's instructions for Manganese Chloride and Borax crystals, though rn I'm out of time

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Alpha Pibb

Named this because it's what alphas drink yeeeaahhhh brotherrr also because the glass is radioactive

Requirements:

  • Pibb Xtra Syrup
  • Everclear
  • SodaStream
  • Uranium sherbet glass
  • Basic mixing pots and cups

Steps:

  1. Measure out 5 parts everclear and one part syrup into a container (The same ratio the syrup is usually mixed at with water)
  2. Stir if needed and pour mixture into sodastream bottle
  3. Press CO₂ button roughly three times, for one to two seconds each
  4. Pour into glasses; Note: a serving size is one glass, do NOT consume more than one glass or else this happens
  5. Enjoy responsibly

One of the most flavors you will ever feel. The extreme potentness of basically rubbing alcohol combined with the potentness of pibb extract combined into one carbonated drink is something your tastebuds will remember the next morning

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Miyamoto's DS Sushi

Requirements:

  • Personal Trainer cooking for the Nintendo DS (required)
  • Air fryer
  • Machete
  • Follow the shopping list in-game except for the following substitutions:
  • Omit avacado and sake (store did not have these)
  • Substiute kelp for nori (basically the same thing)
  • We did not have rice vinegar, so we used apple cider vinegar

Steps:

  1. For any clarification, consult the instructions on your DS
  2. Cook rice (instant) in the microwave for 110 seconds
  3. Cut cucumber into slices
  4. Make vinegar as instructed and mix with drained rice
  5. Air fry imitation crab for 12 minutes at 350
  6. Mix crab with mayonaise and place with cucumber in nori sheet
  7. Roll sheets into cylinders
  8. Lay the rice out onto a plastic wrap sheet and sprinkle sesame seeds onto it
  9. Roll over prepared nori rolls
  10. Cut rolls into slices shodily with machete
  11. Enjoy!

Preparation had a bit of a time crunch and the rice didn't stick well so they came out just ok. 50% of attendants say they don't regret the experience.
If I were to make any amendments, a hack saw may have a better chance of cutting the sushi without messing up the rice

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Candle Lighter

Requirements:

  • Fuel pump
  • BBQ sparker
  • Tubing and gas tank
  • 12v Battery and wiring
  • Nozzle
  • Fuel line and clamps
  • Check valve (recommended but optional)
  • 50/50 gas diesel mixture
  • Welder

Steps:
Cooking is fairly straightforward

  1. Weld frame together, can be custom shaped
  2. Secure all parts to frame, with sparker being a good distance away from nozzle, battery can be on board or clamp style for portability
  3. Test and make appropriate modifications (nozzle too restrictive or not enough? pump not powerful enough? Tank output diameter too small? Fuel mixture needs adjusting?)
  4. After adjustments and further testing paint frame and resecure parts

Warning: This is the third iteration of this device. The first one was a squirt gun with a flaming cotton ball on the end of a coat hanger, it caught itself on fire. The second was using a windshield washer and the gas ate through the plastic in the pump. I do not recommend making this due to the risk of it exploding in your hands since it is made diy, though it is basically the same as a $600 pre built on market right now so

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Engine Bay Burgers

Requirements:

  • Honda Accord or vehicle with exposed exhaust manifold
  • At least two (2) raw burgers
  • Burger components (cheese, buns, and seasoning)
  • Tinfoil and tongs

Steps:

  1. Season and prepare meat
  2. Place tinfoil on exhaust, place 2 burgers on foil
  3. Start car and cook at 2500rpm for 20 minutues, flipping once
  4. With about 5 minutes remaining place cheese on burgers to melt
  5. Once cooked, shut off car and place burgers on bun
  6. Enjoy!

We chose the cheapest possible burger components which totalled $20 for 4 burgers (including foil) which resulted in mediocore burgers that honestly weren't terrible. One patron saying "I would eat another"

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Grandma's Pepto Chicken

Requirements:

  • Place to cook (we chose an abandoned landfill)
  • Pan and cooking method such as camping stove
  • Pepto Bismol
  • Raw Chicken

Steps:

  1. Place meat in a bowl, or just pan
  2. Pour a generous amount of pepto bismol into bowl, move around chicken to lather it
  3. Start fire and place pan with chicken on top
  4. Cook until appeared done, stirring, flipping, and checking fire
  5. Once cooked, remove chicken and enjoy!

This was inspired by some meme, and it doesn't taste terrible. Mostly just like chicken but with a wierd aftertaste. Would not reccommend unless you have heartburn

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