7/14/25

A lot of my walkman and headphone stuff I put together to accomodate college life, like times between classes where I'm still on campus or the walk to and from my car. I still need to get adjusted to work life but since I drive directly to work now I haven't really been using the hardware together. Still use the walkman in the car and the headphones sometimes at home but my little setup hasn't had the chance to shine.

May adapt it to listening to music while on the laptop at work? or maybe start going on walks? idk, big changes in life have weird ripple effects

7/13/25

mango basil seed drink

7/6/25

I feel a l'il lost

I've been living on my own for a while and I kinda just feel like I'm wasting my time.

I'm so far away from any of my friends now, all the things I'm used to doing just aren't available anymore. I've been surviving fine but I feel like I'm not really doing anything, even if I go out on a bike ride or play some games or watch a movie that's been on my list.

I've attended a few social gatherings but I feel like it'll be hard to develop friendships as deep as before. I don't hugely relate to anyone at work, and there's no more school to socialize at. I'm stuck going to the grocery store and going home.

I'm doing fine, nothing huge is at risk, I just feel like I'm floating by. I want to continue to be creative and live, but I'm just not sure how, I don't know if there's any drive left.

This is probably just a side effect of being in an environment where I'm more or less told everything to do, so when I'm on my own, I kinda just don't know what there is I can do. What did I do all this work for? What am I doing with my life?

I guess that's life? I'll figure it out

5/25/25

Like many people I was driven around a lot of my childhood. The first one on the bus meant an hour of every day watching the power lines swoop up and down. Family trips to the next town over left me with time to gaze and think.

Allowed me to become utterly familiar with the areas I never spent any time in, the areas I simply passed through.

Carving deeper relations with the landscape every time we drove by it again.

There's a touch of home in the movement.
A touch of warmth in always going somewhere else.

Even though I was just sitting still, letting life carry me by.

But I have to look forward now if I want to actually get anywhere

5/10/25

Listening to lemon demon on my record player while packing up my childhood room is certainly a feeling

5/4/25

The honda is finally dead.

I'm moving in about two weeks, and there was a rallycross event at the gravel pit behind the walmart. Since the Accord was gona need to get scrapped or sold for dirt anyways, I figured this would be a good sendoff.

Got through the first half of the day redlining through dirt s-turns before the engine blew. Died on the finish line. Probably floated a valve or something because it would still barely run on a few cylinders over like 3 grand. Drove it about halfway home before whatever valve turned into chunks and it would not longer start.

It lasted about 6 years I think. I still remember driving to the next town over with a friend over to go buy it. I never got it to the top of the cliff trails but stuff it did survive includes:
- Off roading around local trails
- Jumping and bending the subframe on sand dunes
- Wheels-off-the-ground jumping down roads like that one truck level in Sonic Adventure 2
- Redlining reverse-donuts
- Drifting until my handbrake is too worn to work
- Generally just being a reliable transport for my and any shit I needed to move

It was a great vehicle to just hop in and take somewhere. Whatever we were planning on doing, it could handle. It was one of the first big purchases I truly decided on on my own and I'm glad I could see it through until now.

I'll prolly get lap times and photos here soon, but until then here's a photo of it's parking spot:

The symbol of expression is gone but I remain

Ok does anyone wana get high and watch through the Adventure Time Stakes arc with me

4/27/25

Bought a Beavis and Butthead cd from a guy that takes horse dewormer. No one even asked him he just started talking about it. Never thought that was a kind of guy i would interact with, like, ever. He also had like every Dragon Ball Z on vhs for sale.

Also I got to use a sauna for the first time today. My friend's apartment kinda just had one in the basement and after a bit of dusting off it worked great. idk if "feel clean" is the right word but I do feel very refreshed after using it and a quick cold rinse afterward. I finally know what it feels like to be a carrot in a slow cooker

4/23/25

Back when I had the entire rx7 interior out I found that the main ecu (emissions control unit(?)) was very rusty, which usually isn't something you want your electonics to be. The rusty legs on the ICs looked like thay at least had enough metal left to conduct electricity, and I repaired some spots where the traces on the pcb were literally peeling, because another (also used) ecu is like $80, and two wires and some solder is not $80

I didn't really expect this fix to do much, but the issues I was having before where it would drain the float bowls if I drove it at too high of an rpm for too long, or drove it up a hill, are just entirely gone now. I was completely ready to buy a new fuel pump but I guess it was just underpowering it or something because of the broken traces ??? idk. I'll probably buy a less rusty ecu when I find one available for cheap tho (or at least try to replace the chips with new logical equivalents)

Here's a photo of it with some muddy fenderwells. besides a few tiny pieces it's like mostly done now. I kinda want different rims but rims are insanely expensive and there's other parts I'd rather put money into first

4/5/25

There's a lot of marks and burns and rehealed skin on stuff like my legs and arms and such that I think might affect my appearance but ultimately are a part of who I am. Marks from accidents and stuff I used to do and enjoy and are now permanently a part of me. Makes me feel like Tow Mater every time I think this but it also makes me think about who I even am in present day. What even is the present day. Probably just a side effect of growing up and needing to dedicate most of my time to work or some sort of professional life

4/1/25

I've been putting so much time into school and rotting in bed that I haven't really put much work into myself. And now graduation is coming up and I'm going to be attending the ceremony under a name that doesn't fit me, but I feel like I haven't made enough progress to warrant a name change without it making sense to others or possibly damaging some relations. It makes me wonder if I'm really doing any of this for myself. Sure I can get the text on the piece of paper changed later but I'm just worried I'm going to be blocking out one of the most important days of my life because of this. How the hell am I even sure anything I'm doing is right for me anyways

Anyways happy birthday Kasane Teto !!

3/30/25

A goodwil that I bought a $15 shelf ps1 from five years ago had one behind the counter for $60 yesterday no controller or games even. At least they had a cool sweater for kinda cheap

3/14/25

Why is applying for housing rentals so difficult they want 7 billion sensitive documents like c'mon you're already charging me a fortune can you at least be a smidge understanding if I don't have one pdf from a year ago. And this is if they even respond

3/3/25

This video is so cool u shld go watch it

3/1/25

Fuck you the depressing posts are in comic sans now

2/24/25

My last few posts have been kinda depressing so here's a better one. Getting high and working on my car in the freezing barn has been a passtime for a while now and it's almost complete.

There's a lot of little parts I could talk about but here's the current mockup for the center console. The analog clock is replacing a broken digital one and I think it fills the circle hole better. The font even matches the shift knob. I still need some wire terminals for the radio but it takes CDs and MDs and mechanically flips down it's goofy but kinda sick.

The silver paint looks a li'l cheezy with the black interior but I think it works well enough. This stuff is also brittle as hell after 40 years. You can barely adjust the vent without all the plastic exploding

2/21/25

I like to think that I can kinda see very specific patterns when it comes to things like graphic design or photographic framing. Kinda like the rule of thirds or golden ratio but something incalculable. If I do things right everything kinda just snaps into place. I think it could be like the "picture an apple" aphantasia thing where not everyone can see it. idk.

2/8/25

deliberating if I wana live as something I love but a lot of people are going to despise and make my life systematically harder to live and be in constant reminder of or if I want to live as something that's not me that'll make life easier to breeze through even though my memories will turn to dust and life will pass me by as if I'm not even here. Because I won't be